We woke up on Monday morning ready to tour Schindler's Factory Museum before we headed out to visit Auschwitz. The museum was not a factory anymore, it had been bombed after the war. The museum was more of an overview of the ghettos and the holocaust rather than the actual work done by the jews in the factory. However, there was a video at the beginning of the museum that showed interviews of actual workers, Poles and Jews. It was interesting because it gave the different viewpoints of each of the workers. Come to find out, Schindler treated neither better than the other. He treated all workers equally. I walked through the museum alone and focused in on a few things. One of the main things was at the end there was a room filled with quotes from some people describing their situations in the ghetto or in the camps. One young boy said that when they were getting in groups he would manage to stay towards the inside so he could avoid being hit by the guards batons. I really enjoy reading personal quotes and stories. They are always my favorite parts about the museums. After the museum a group of us went and got burgers at this place around the corner from our hostel. I like burgers, I think they're good, but these burgers made me love burgers. So good. I got the "Jacques." It had 3 different types of cheeses, onions, tomatoes, and more. Delicious. We then packed up and headed back to the bus. Everyone was pretty much silent on the bus preparing for our arrival at Auschwitz. I remember pulling in and immediately getting a sinking feeling in my stomach. We all got off the bus, no one was talking. I remember seeing other groups around us talking and some laughing. I immediately just thought to myself, "How can you even laugh in a place like this?" We then were lead into the beginning of the tour and given our headsets. We were greeted with the same sign that millions of others have been greeted with, "Arbeit Macht Frei." This was the moment it truly hit me that we were in Auschwitz. Such a typical thing to say or think, but it couldn't be any more true. As we were walking all I could think of were the feelings all of the prisoners were feeling. We then went into the first block this block was filled with pictures describing where all the prisoners of Auschwitz were transported from. Then she lead us into another room with a big display of what an actual gas chamber looked like. It was detailed with little people in there all crammed and she explained how the process worked. I did not imagine the gas chambers being as big as they actually were. She then showed us the display of the zyclon b cans. Each can averaged 700 people killed. The amount of cans piled together equaled well over 200. I just remember standing there and thinking 700 people with that can, 700 people with this can. It was just nauseating. And to think that those were not even all the cans that were used, there were probably hundreds if not thousands more. The next room we went into I wish she would have prepared us a little more for. All she said was, "No pictures because this is sacred." We walked into a display of human hair cut from all of the prisoners in Auschwitz. I just remember being in shock, no tears or anything, just pure shock. Mounds of dark hair piled together and laid out in a window that stretched across the room. Jess walked by me sobbing and usually I'm a sympathy crier, but like I said I was just in shock. Almost numb from the horror that this simple display of hair brought me. But it wasn't just simple. I mean in actuality it was just a room with the one window full of hair, but it was so much more than that. It belonged to people, real human beings and now, for some, that was all that was left of them. We left that building and headed to a different one, I think. I don't know, I'm not sure. Everything blended together, I'm not sure which displays were in which blocks. Anyway, we then got to the display of the suitcases and children's shoes and then the adult shoes. I remember walking in and seeing the suitcases that had actual names on them. These people brought their belongings with them because they thought they were going somewhere where they could keep them. Then the small display of children's shoes. There were hundreds filled up from the floor to the ceiling. That was a moment where I immediately thought of my younger sisters and wondered about the young children who used to fill those shoes. All of the children's artifacts always makes me think about my sisters and what I would have done if I were in Auschwitz with them. I would have to be the strong one and I have been questioning myself ever since that moment if I actually would be strong enough for them. I pray to God I never have to be put into a situation as horrific as that to find out that I am strong enough for all three of them. Then we walked into the next room with all of the adult shoes. There were thousands and thousands. Once again, from floor to ceiling. It was silly to think, but as I was standing there looking at all the shoes I was trying to find the matching pair. In that moment I thought, how stupid of me. Out of all the things to think about in the room here I was trying to find the matching pairs. But then it occurred to me, I wouldn't find the matching pair. These shoes were just thrown away in a hurry, not cared for and lost their matches. It was, in a way for me, a symbol of how the Jews were treated upon arriving in Auschwitz. Stripped and separated from their families never to be matched again. Then we were lead into another room with all the pots and pans taken from the Jews. It just looked like a huge swimming pool full of blue, green, and gray. Pots that once fed families, now just sitting in a huge display. Then there was the display of all the combs, brushes and tooth brushes. While in our class discussion I think it was Jacob who mentioned this display. He said it was a little harder for him because it was a very personal item. This made a lot of sense with me. I mean, I have had one of my brushes for a couple years and I've become so attached to it. It just clicked with me when Jacob mentioned it and it made an even bigger impact. We also saw the displays of glasses and prosthetics. The glasses just looked like a black mass, but up close you could see how many different types of glasses were actually there. Imagining some people with such poor eyesight without their glasses just hit me, they were probably sent straight to the gas chambers, or weren't able to work to the fullest so eventually were killed. Something so little with such a huge impact. I feel like that's how all of the displays of personal items were. It was something so simple, but that's what made it have such an impact.
Then we left those blocks for block 11, which was the punishment block. Here we walked in and immediately I saw the post that Kami had talked about in class. The posts that were used strictly for torture. As I was walking past I didn't want to get to close. I felt like the ground around it had too much history and too much suffering. I didn't want to be apart of it, but just by being there I was apart of it. My mind was flashing photographs and imagining a prisoner hanging there. Terrible thoughts, just awful. Then we saw the "death wall," where many prisoners were shot and killed. There was a little memorial with flowers at the bottom and some candles lit for the victims. Seeing this area was rough knowing the history behind it. I was so thankful to know the history behind it, but almost at the same time it really sucked knowing the history and knowing you were standing on the same ground as the victims and the persecutors. We then headed into the cells of block 11. There were standing cells, dark cells, and starvation cells. The dark cells were the ones that I was most afraid of. I just imagined going day in and day out in complete darkness. No one to talk to and hardly any food to eat. I imagined the prisoners going crazy and beginning to talk to themselves in search of something to pass by the time. It was just a very creepy place to be. The standing cells were much smaller than I imagined. Literally only enough space for you to stand straight and never sit. If you attempted to sit, you would most certainly be killed. The starvation cells, well they just speak for themselves. We then walked over to the gas chamber and crematorium. Auschwitz I was not necessarily a death camp. I mean many, many people died there, but it was not an extermination camp, it was a work camp. I believe this gas chamber and crematorium were the only ones on site at Auschwitz I. We had a chance to walk in and see the chamber and the ovens. In the area of the ovens you could see the charred walls and that's when I got the full visual of what went on in there. I remember walking through all of Auschwitz I kind of in a daze, some sort of shock. I think that's why I never cried. I thought for sure I would have come out of there with red and swollen eyes. Instead I just came out as I went in, silent. I was trying to wrap my head around what I had just witnessed, while trying to understand and cope with the fact that there was still the extermination camp of Birkenau to go to.
We took a short bus ride to Auschwitz II: Birkenau. This was the extermination camp of Auschwitz. Walking up to it I didn't know what exactly to expect, but I remember expecting more buildings and then immediately feeling guilty for thinking that. But then as the tour went on I began to realize that there was so little here not because it was old, but because there actually was so little here in the beginning. That really struck a cord with me. It was also very beautiful that day. I remember thinking how peaceful it was and wondering how the prisoners considered beautiful days. Were they thankful for a beautiful day or did they hardly notice because of the horrible conditions and pain they were in. I thought about this for our whole entire walk to the gas chambers at the end of the camp, which was a long time. Birkenau was massive. From the entrance to the gas chambers it was probably a 8-10 minute walk. I can only imagine what was going through the prisoners heads as they left the cattle cars and were walked to the gas chambers. They had no idea where they were going, so I wonder what their thoughts were of. I'm sure confusion was one of the top things, but I wonder if some were thinking of family members or maybe of escaping somehow. We made it to gas chambers three and four, if I remember correctly. They were both bombed by the Nazi's before liberation of the camps in attempt to destroy the evidence. All that was left were the bricks and some of the chimney. Our tour guide mentioned that the human ashes were put in ponds by the chambers or in the forest beyond. She mentioned the trees that the prisoners had planted during their stay and I remember looking at them thinking that they were tall, healthy and green. These trees grew of off the ashes of the murdered. These trees, in a way, were some of the Jews. That was a beautiful thought for me. It was kind of like, how appropriate that they are apart of these gorgeously healthy and green trees. We then made our way to on of the barracks where they slept. It was just horrendous. They slept on plywood that was lined with insect infested straw. There was no floor, only the bare ground. The bricks that surrounded the barracks had some words carved into them too, but I didn't get close enough to read them. I just imagined everyone crammed into this little area and forced to sleep literally on top of one another. I couldn't have gotten out of there faster. Then she lead us to the barrack where all of the toilets, if you could call them that, were. There was just a long rectangular sheet of cement that had circles cut into it and they were all lined up together. The prisoners had to take care of themselves literally centimeters away from another person who was trying to do the same thing. On top of it, a guard was watching. It just really put things into perspective. The tour ended there and honestly, I was ready for it to be over. I had enough to think about for the rest of my life.
This blog was tough to write and I feel like as I was writing it I just wanted to hurry up and get through with it. I didn't want to have to think of everything I visited and saw. I didn't want to replay those images in my head and I didn't want to feel the things I felt while there. However, I think it was good to talk about it and share with others.
Glasses
Prosthetics
Pots and Pans
Suitcases
Adult's Shoes
Brushes
Entrance to Birkenau
One of the bombed crematoriums in Birkenau
Community toilets in Birkenau
Zyclon B cans
Entrance to Auschwitz I
I am glad that I had the chance to visit Auschwitz. I don't think I would go again. It is one of those things where I know I will remember how I felt seeing the hair, the glasses, the shoes, the toilets, the living barracks, I literally will remember everything about that place. I will be able to tell my future children of this place and make sure they are fully educated. It was something I am glad to have been shown, but at the same time I am upset that I have been there. I didn't take many pictures on purpose because I have mental images burned into my brain. These images will stay with me forever and I am not quite sure how I feel about that yet.
